it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
