It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
