I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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