Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
