I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
