Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
