if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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