maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
there is glitter all over my balls
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