I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
