Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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