Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
