Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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