He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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