HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
