i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
