Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
