So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
