all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have feelings that need drinking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
