Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
