Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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