Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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