Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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