So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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