True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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