if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
