So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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