I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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