i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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