Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
