Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
