what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Randomize
