i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
