I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
