Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
