he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
