Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
