Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
