VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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