I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
