That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
