He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
