1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
