We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
