But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
