i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
