She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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