i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
