yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
