Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i believe in u and ur pee
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
