just tell him i said nine months
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
