you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
be right there i have to get my cape
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
