i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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