I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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