Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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